Why I Want To Get All Bikini Coffee Stands Shut Down
Posted: Tuesday, May 20, 2008
by Chase Roper
http://ropermediaservices.com
The "bikini barrista" occupation is ruining the coffee scene. Earlier this year, a drive thru stand made the local news because the barrista only wore bikinis or pasties while they worked. Apparently this fad is taking off all over the country and now several stand in my area are "converting" over. The problem is that I do not want to go to one of these stand for my coffee and I fear that if I do something now, I may not have a choice.
While I have never actually been to one of these novelty stands, I have been told that the lines are painstakingly long. Some wait times have well exceeded 15 minutes. Why? Because lonely or desperate males are longing for a glimpse of an 18-20 something-year-old female preparing coffee in the almost nude and not because they want to enjoy a finely hand crafted espresso drink. I don't care if St. Peter were handing out fake "get out of hell free" cards with every16 oz drink, I'm want my large, triple restretto raspberry breve mocha and I'm not waiting more than 7 minutes for it.
Whenever I get my haircut, check out at a grocery store, or order coffee, I always find myself fighting a small bit of anxiety, hoping that the person helping me does not try to make small talk. I hate it. I'm just not social that way. I'd prefer to keep it to what I expect.
- Employee greets me and asks what I would like.
- I reply appropriately and wait for my service.
- Employee finishes transactions, thanks me. We both say good-bye.
The only benefit I can see to this sort of position is that it provides employment for girls with low self esteem who have always wanted the tips, attention, and self objectifying behavior that come with being a stripper without having to commit to taking off your underwear or giving a lap dance.
In my follow up post, I will detail exactly how I will implement my plan to put stop to these bikini coffee stands and bring order and sense back to that little corner of my world.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)hi chase, i think this was a well written article and it sounds crazy, but, nowadays, i guess anything and everything is possible. good luck, best regards, sue thom
Sounds like a desperate cry to me. And a large, triple restretto raspberry breve mocha? You might as well make your way over to Starbucks, or the candy shop. You have to admit, bikinis are hot. And they're selling more coffee than you. That's business, my friend. Guess it's time to get a gimmick of your own.
If you don't like it, make your own coffee at home or open up your own franchise. People are making a living and having fun. You are not obligated to patronize the business. Stop being a hater and just go somewhere else!
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